im sad

I know that people don't read any of this, but I feel as if its important for me to tell my story. I wrote this 2 page front and back love letter for this girl ive liked since 6th grade. only I never had the balls to tell her or give it to her. im sitting here in my dormroom of my first year of college, surrounded by people, yet Ive never felt more alone. this girls name is Michaela and she was the hottest girl I had met until a few weeks ago. ive been chilling here listening to sad music crying. im done for tonight.

awesome musician

so this weekend I was screwing around on youtube and I found this amazing singer, Kim Petras. she is pretty famous in Europe. she does mostly covers, but has an album out and and a couple of singles as well.her youtube channel is https://www.youtube.com/user/kimmilinlein?feature=watch. please check her out she is amazing.

whats going on.

i walk down the street wondering what the f*** is going on. sometimes i just want to scream out loud at the universe, why am i in so much pain, why do i feel so alone all the time. i am surrounded by people everywhere i go, but i stand alone, in a sea of despair, and sorrow. i look inside myself and see my pain. when i sit among you i scream inside, i yell and cry and curse the world for all it has done to me. i have been abandoned by those i love, every one i meet leaves me and rips me farther apart. i feel as if a knife is being shoved into my heart, and every time i am deserted it is dug deeper. i lie awake at night i cry for in my pain is deeper longing for so much more than i have been allotted in my life.

crazy bullshit

so last night i was sitting here writing essays  for scholarships, when my mom goes nuts on me. she's screaming about how "i'm ungrateful, that she's done with everything, that she's not paying for college, that i can go live on the streets for all i care". Do you want to know what the first thing running through my mind was, wow i miss this. Does any one know how fucked up that is. Being screamed at for leaving a fork in the sink, or leaving(cat playing with) wire tools around, was such a common occurence in my childhood that i missed it. I mean our relationship hasn't had any bumps in the road for several months now. i just don't get it.

so know shes sitting in the other room yelling at my brother for staying up late, at an athletic awards event, at college. Also she's giving me the cold shoulder, like that'll work. i mean in the long run who gets hurt here. She will. She's made these threats before and never carried them out, so i won't take her seriously. In the end she's gonna pay for college, and have to pay more for it. The scholarships are due in today during school, and i don't have the time to do them.

what's up? this is my first post.

Hey every body out there. My name is Ben Deem.
I've got some ideas about the world and i thought i might share them with you.
i'm an 18 year guy, so i dont have the most experience in the world on some things.
So today lets talk about political stupidity.
so far all ive seen out of politicians is apathy to the general public. im not a political analyst or even somone with all the answers, but i think that congress and the president, and stat governments too, should take a step back and look at whats happened. a long time ago, being a politician was a huge honor, but know its the back door into big money or even big fun at our expense. nowadays politicians are too busy fighting over whose a republican and whose a democrat, that nothing gets done, and when it does, they get it wrong. for example, in the 90's Monsanto filed patent on the genetic code of seeds. now some thay had engineered, what i understand, but don't agree with, and others, they went down to a seed bank, wrote down the filing numbers and filed for their patents. know does that seem right doo they own something that took nature millions of years to evolve and develope that life form, i dont. Yet politicians protected that "right" to patent life. who Knows maybe im just ranting and im wrong. maybe that is their right and politicians do a good job. food for thought. thanks for reading.